The reason I’m in English is not so that I could get a job. Pro tip, you want a job? Avoid the humanities. Try a skilled trade, everyone always needs more tradesmen in this economy. My sister is becoming a tradesman, in fact. It’s only two years, it’s 1/3 the price of a “worthless degree,” and it even pays more out of the gates.
But this is not about advice.
Today I finally hit the brick wall that is depression once again. Truly, it is a brick wall for us manic-depressives because we go from the opposite; energy-filled mania, to empty, devoid depression.
Luckily, I’ve been through all this before, over and over. I know what’s going on, and that it’s best to just…keep going. The problem? My goals are a little too polytheistic at the moment. Now, I mean that in a technical and secular manner, simply that I have many goals (or many “gods”) that I’m trying to move towards and achieve, and perhaps they are at odds with each other.
Depression is great time to abandon useless goals. Why? Because you don’t care about anything except what’s really important. And even then, you don’t really care, you just…feel very anxious about getting rid of things, or stopping, or giving up.
So what are my goals? Let’s list the ones I remember, and then anything I don’t remember likely wasn’t worth remembering. (Or I’ll wake up in a cold sweat in a few hours and edit it in…)
So where to go from here? Let’s push the goals aside for a second. Anxiety is caused, often, by not just the fear of the unknown, but also from taking on more than you can handle (that’s an opinion, not a fact). Under that second definition, during depression, I used to narrow my vision to just then next action, the next hour, what was due tomorrow. That sucks in the long term.
It is necessary to pull your head up every now and then even when you’re depressed. It’s simple really; walking with your head down and watching the ground move by without worrying about the world? That’s kind of comforting. But walking into walls, poles, or parked cars? Not so nice. So, pull your head up every now and then.
So, I have this terrible week off. It’s ruined my schedule and habits, and it’s expedited my depression. Hello, depressed Dan! You have homework due on Monday! It’s time to pull that head up and lay out the road for the next four days so that you can afford to keep the head down in comfort. Okay fine.
Due Next Week
Mid Term; so study.
Cicero: De Oratore (50p)
Creative Writing 203
Writing Exercise #4
Psychology as a Social Science 116 (Tuesday)
Ch. 9 Intelligence & IQ Testing
Mid Term coming October 23
Further, you have not done any of the readings at all lmao. So:
Ch. 8 Thinking, Reasoning, and Language
Ch. 14 (skim, you already know personality theory)
Ch. 12 Stress, Coping, & Health (LOLLLLL)
Effective Writing (Friday)
Parts of Speech I Quiz
Description or Narration Paragraph
Okay well, this sort of plug-and-play from my syllibi isn’t that hard, in fact it’s kind of cathartic in the most minor of ways. Probably really boring to read (in fact you likely skipped over it altogether), but I almost want to keep going on into next week—what fun! Later though.
So, I’ve laid out my short and long term goals essentially. Really, the short term won’t be too hard. I can do Rhetoric one book per day to really study. Simple. Okay, what about Psychology? That’s its own little mess, but right now I can focus on reading Ch 9 for Tuesday, and try to get the rest in over the next week before the weekend (or before the exam at the latest lolll). Effective Writing? I can do that really soon. Those are easy. Might as well start there actually; Small Steps. Oh, and Creative Writing I might as well do tonight.
Where’s my agenda? I’ll spare you the details haha. Next!
The Solune Prince
Redraft Alice and Finch
Okay so obviously the best thing to do is, like any good countdown list, run this down in reverse order.
6 Alice and Finch
This has been bubbling up for a while now. Alice and Finch is over one year old now. You can read the original rough draft right now, for free on this blog (here, if you please). There are a lot of problems with it, but I met someone I really love thanks to writing it when I did, so I still like it. In fact, the original three Dawn chapters as well as Inck won’t be edited that much; they’re already really terrific.
I’ve actually worked on this a lot here and there. I’ve written two essays (Alice and Finch: The Archetypal Recapitulation, Alice and Finch – Update 2) in order to explore ideas and plan the next step. Alice and Finch are still alive and well actually; they’ve made appearances as supporting characters in The Solune Prince (TSP), which should be no surprise as Chloe, the Solune Prince, was Finch’s secondary teacher. Further, the first eight or so chapters are already edited!
Really, I just need motivation for this one, and I think once the first Novella of The Solune Prince is done, the second draft of Alice and Finch will take the helm while I plan TSP Novella 2. So, for now, it’s at the bottom of the list for a good reason. However, thanks to a certain someone, I’m far more amazing now than I was when I wrote the first draft, so I’m excited to see where this takes me and my novel. Maybe to publication!
This should be pretty self-explanatory. Being an artist, and a Noahide are sufficient reason to read what is likely the most respected book of all time. Christians staple it to the back of their Bible, Muslims respect it as a holy book, and many Jews still live it every day!
It also gives me an excuse to chill out and do nothing on Saturday; It’s Shabbat! I must not work or create anything! Now, I do not yet follow the 39 laws of Sabbath (Melachot) but…I am also not Jewish. For now, I’ll do my best with what I can do.
That aside, certain narratives seem to be the core inspiration for a lot of modern and great literature. As someone who values going to the source, reading it is almost inevitable regardless of my religion or beliefs. Finally, the story of Jacob man, what a dude. That guy fought with G-d and won. #lifegoals2019
4 Solune 4000
Like Alice and Finch, this goal isn’t really going to take off for a few months. My friend Nick and I are pushing the game forward here and there. He’s really a coding wizard so that’s awesome. Right now combat is being constructed, and we’re set to really take off in the new year.
It is to take place during Alexandre Dirge’s year off between her BA and her Masters of Kemia. I’m mostly using that to date the game and add setting and context for future developments. Alexandre won’t be the main character (probably), she will more likely be an important NPC. Or at least a deadly one. For now, she’s become something of a secondary main character in The Solune Prince, if you’re interested.
So far it’s looking good. I need to get in the scaffolding for the chat system, which will be a pain in the ass during a depression, but eh. Whatever.
3 The Solune Prince
‘The Underside cries out to The Solune Prince for aid.’
“Who are they!”
“The Lussa are our extinct ancestors.” He had said.
It was not enough.
It was later that she got her chance—the answers came to her as a quest.
“It is good that you have come Chloe. We have it, a plea for help; from the Lussa.”
Chloe Rhye is a recluse. As a prince, she needs nothing from the world, and so, she just reads…until her father gets a letter. An ancient lost kingdom, still ruled by her distant bloodline, needs her help…
New chapters of The Solune Prince are released every Thursday at 10am. It’s essentially my literary spine, it keeps me writing and planning and thinking. It’s written much like other realism novels except that it takes place in another world that acts much like the world did four-hundred years ago, but with touches of four-thousand years ago. Hope you check it out: https://danieltriumph.com/the-solune-prince/
Not much to say here, really. I value marriage, and if I find someone I like who feels the same, I intend to marry them.
If you would like to know more, feel free to check out Rabbi Manis Freidman’s work on the subject. Marriage is a sacred act, and I think that it gets a bad rap. You’re not an adult until you are married with two or more children as far as I’m concerned. You’re just a half-soul. I’m sick of feeling incomplete and lonely, and like a child, and without responsibility. It’s time to build a home. So, Marriage.
Since I’m already amazing, the only thing left for me to do is make someone else feel the same way.
1 The English Degree
Literally, see the short term goals.
Maybe I’ll get to this some other day, but here’s a gist. Humanities don’t get you jobs, and I don’t want a job. I want to take over the world. You don’t do that with a job.
Rich people send their children out for humanities degrees. Why? So that they know a bit of everything, so that they mature; so that they learn to read and write, and most of all they learn about the history of human ideas and how to learn and use academic resources.
They send their children out to become leaders. Because rich kids don’t work, people work for them. (At least, in theory. History and English majors seem to love to settle for less; teaching.) I’m already creating art. I’m already working with others for a higher goal (Solune 4000). This is only the beginning. I should already be making money by the time I graduate. All I have to do is make it scalable, and when I exit the gates, scale it!
That’s all for now. Don’t go into the humanities if you want a job. You won’t find one.
I’ve created a mass of characters, in a similar world building vein to Pratchett’s Discworld. But out of all of them, I think my current “favourites” are Alexandre Jutt (shadow), Yaska May Däwngale (who may be my anima) and Chloe Rhye. Chloe is essentially a genius, but also a complete ditz who stumbles over her own sentences. She’s well read, but introverted and lacks formal education. I guess those are standard for her “type” though. Sort of.
I’m deeply interested in seeing how she reacts to the real world, as is her father, who sends her on a quest of sorts in her adolescence. Her young adulthood is where it really gets interesting for me though, and that’s the story I’ve been trying to write for over two years.
The coolest thing, I think, regarding Chloe is her potential as an individual, and her lazor eyes. I came up with lazor eyes being a sort of racial trait for the Solune when I was much younger (four or more years ago!), but now that I’ve begun to explore archetypes and symbolism as a young adult, I’m seeing a sort of meaning behind it. Chloe is possibly the most powerful user of lazor eyes/lazor plasma, and I think it has something to do with vision. Chloe, being a genius, is a visionary. In her youth, she doesn’t have a lot of control over it, and it emits passively out of her wounds. She avoids using her power because she doesn’t know what will happen. Later, she focuses it, and takes control. That is the character arc in The Solune Prince.
There’s a lot of symbolic importance to eyes, if you look back to the ancient gods Horus and Marduk. I don’t know where my subconscious finds it (although Jung would call it “The Collective Unconscious”), but I’m deeply interested in seeing what Chloe is capable of. Are you?
These are the elements that occur in nearly all love stories (and realities) across nearly all cultures. (Sorry barbarians, you are hardly romantic.)
Two lovers. Two lovers who are destined for each other, often both secretly of noble blood; prince and princess. No explanation needed here.
(I will add, however, that the connection to royalty is a very Jewish tradition. For more, read,Song of Songs, which may or may not have been written by King Solomon, or contact your local Rabbi.)
Flawed Society. The society is flawed; even if the only flaw is that it does not approve of, or actively denies the love of the heroes.
Angry Father. The father represents society itself. Thus, often the father directly manifests the society’s disaproval of the heroes love. The father, usually the maiden’s father, but it could be as distant as a grandfather or even another member of the society, becomes a blocking character.
You can see conflict and excitement, and even longing on the horizon by now, surely.
Instant Love.There is nothing in between the lovers. It is as if they have known each other forever. They slip into each others’ lives as easily as they slip into each others’ arms. Love at first sight may be something only found in the realm of fantasy, but surely love at his words must be real.
This is, of course, how I fell in love.
I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food. (Authorized King James Version, Job. 23.12 2, emphasis mine, italics in original)
Separation. How tragic! The lovers mus separate. It is either caused by a chaos or double chaos (brigands are a chaos. Water is a chaos as well, so pirates, thieves of the sea, are a double chaos.) Usually, however, it is the society’s failure in tandem with a chaos that sets it off.
Society. The society did not approve of Alice, the little monster, except for the other outcasts such as Finch the bookworm, the Metch priest, Prince Chloe Rhye, and myself. The guard were the final straw, urged by Ilias, and caused by…
Chaos. Alice is a chaos, because we don’t know (at least we didn’t know) what she was, what a Plainkind was. Plus, she was coming into puberty at the time, another chaos from within.
(The chaos being internal instead of external is, of course, very intriguing to me.)
Struggle to find oneness. Often this process brings out the woman’s beauty and desirably, as she longs for her husband-to-be. In the man, it brings out the same longing, and in some cases, even suicidal thoughts; “If I cannot be with her, I do not want to live!” (Infamously, Chaereas from one of the most ancient novels, Chaereas and Callirhoe, tried to die at least three times.)
Longing. Most of the wishes for death and disparity comes from longing. The pair are soul mates, and without each other, the world is but nothing, they are broken.
Fuck it all and fuckin’ no regrets
I hit the lights on these dark steps
Medallion noose, I hang myself
Saint Anger ’round my neck
And I choke… on the cross
As I hang… as I’m hanging
I just wanna die today
I just wanna die
Will tell you why
I’m madly in anger with you
I feel my world shake
Like an earth quake
Hard to see clear
Is it me? Is it fear?
Searching my head
For the words that you said
The light at the end of the tunnel
Was turned off
And something I noticed
Beating you is thrilling me
I’ve got a secret for you
Tears filled my eyes
As we said our last goodbyes
This sad scene replays
Of you walking away
The tides of change pulled us apart
I feel a familiar pain
In my hour of need,
No, you are not there
And though I reached out for you,
Wouldn’t lend a hand
My darkest hour is every hour
You’re not there
When no words are spoken and please are ignored
Your tears go unnoticed, will you say enough?
Did you ever think I get lonely?
Did you ever think that I needed love?
Did you ever think, stop thinking;
You’re the only one that I’m thinking of.
Goodbye 1000 times goodbye
The thought never crossed my mind
That this would be my last goodbye.
My heart, it hurts
‘Cause it never catches its breath
I’m still staying when I should have left
Come to where the waters meet the shore
I’ll be there
And I will stay, leaving you
I am really afraid
But I am her protector
You’ll be never alone again,
Cause I am your protector.
Waves—close your eyes and count slow
In this moment things are getting dangerous.
I can’t find my way.
All these things that left me in their waiting.
—I keep shaking.
But the things that she said sounded peculiar and strange
Like she couldn’t believe the words that were shaping
Her future life
(Plagiarized by Alexandre Jutt, and Daniel T.
Credits in order: Metallica, Two, Logic, Metallica, Megadeth, Falling Up, Daniel Triumph.)
Epic.This brings the man into the realm of the epic or romance for a short time, often near the climax. In certain tales, the climax is a war, a war for his woman. Usually our hero has a sudden burst of action, compared to an ancient legend like Achilles, and conquers and army, often becoming a leader or general in the process (and by accident often) in order to save his future wife.
The struggle to return as one pits the protagonists against many trials, mostly internal for the woman, and external for the man.
Reunion. Of course, there is a happy ending! The man finds his woman, or in the case of stories like An Ephesian Tale or An Ethiopian Story, the lovers find each other.
Wedding!Of course, the lovers need to lock in their commitment and become slaves to each other. How romantic, a choking band around the neck—I mean the finger. You will never be forgotten, Alice, Finch!
The old and corrupt society is inspired and renewed by the lovers’ actions and their fated reunion despite it all. The wedding festival brings happiness not only to the lovers, but to the whole city that celibates with them. Even the villains find their good spirit and join the celebration (if only to be arrested or likewise midway through. However, all are happy for the lovers, even they that opposed them see how wrong it was to do so.)
The marriage is very important, it is the symbol; a promise of a new and bright future. (Ah, love is in the air. Are you as excited for Alice and Finch’s wedding as I? Truly, I must finish these writings soon, for they are calling that I help with the preparations.)