Epinephrine

2nd draft of “Alexandre Jutt’s Journal

Alexandre Jutt
Eighth month, 3rd day.

Epinephrine is the fight or flight hormone. Humans, when subjected to chronic loneliness, begin to release epinephrine and the hormone, left unchecked, will erode the body from the inside. It prevents the body from regeneration and inhibits the immune system. Is it your fault that you are lonely? Is it my fault that I am not lonely?

Is it true, even, that I am not lonely? Maybe I’m just deluding myself. Maybe, secretly, a secret even from myself. But I don’t think so. There’s a logic to it though, see, I don’t feel much different after all of this than before. Perhaps I’m too distant from my own situation. Perhaps. Even when I was with my uncle, I felt like this about half the time. Even when I left, I felt like this about half the time. And even now I feel the same, about half the time.

Exactly the same.

“And what do you feel?” He had asked. I didn’t want to answer him.

But I did answer him. And I’m glad that I did.

Trust is… Important I think. Baring your wounds, maybe reopening some scars… I hope they heal better this time.

[original transcript is damaged or illegible in this location.]

—because he skewed my research. I think that there’s more to it that just epinephrine too, but it hasn’t been studied, not even by the E-tchs. I have a letter from Bradley Jeremy, he is strange, he sent three words and nothing else—’Adrenaline, Cortisol, Norepinephrine.’ Hopefully I’ll get a chance to learn about this during my master’s—Talk to Lune—but right I don’t know what to do, about epinephrine.

……………………………………………………

Maybe I’ll be back tomorrow.

For now, these are my words.

Alexandre—

And also,
Daniel Triumph.

Related: Epinephrine Correspondence

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Alexandre Jutt’s Journal

This is a writing I made way back in September. It’s exam season right now, and on top of that, I’m not being as productive as I would like to be. However, I am intent on keeping this blog going even during my hardest times, so here is a piece, almost not even a story, that I wrote a while back.

It’s a part of Alexandre Jutt’s journal, and I wrote it while I was a little off mentally, so it might come off as odd. Looking back, however, I found it to be rather engaging nonetheless.

Alexandre Jutt’s Journal

Eighth month, 3rd day.

Epinephrine

Epinephrine is the fight or flight hormone. Humans, when subjected to chronic loneliness, begin to release epinephrine and the hormone, left unchecked, will erode the body from the inside. It prevents the body from regeneration and inhibits the immune system. Is it your fault that you are lonely? Is it my fault that I am not lonely?

Is it true, even, that I am not lonely? Maybe I’m just deluding myself. Maybe, secretly, a secret even from myself, I am lonely. But I don’t think so. There’s a logic to it though, see, I don’t feel much different after the ordeal than before. Is it that I’m too distant from my own situation? Perhaps. I have been seen as ‘cold’ in the past, and not just by one person. But I am not lonely. Even when I was with my uncle, I felt like this about half the time. Even when I left, I felt like this about half the time. And even now I feel the same, about half the time. Exactly the same.

“And what do you feel?” He had asked. And I didn’t want to answer him.

I didn’t want to answer him, because the answer to his question was, “I feel almost nothing.”

But I did answer him. And, after all that happened, I am glad that I did.

Because after that I did research, a lot of research. I went to our private library, and then I went to the city’s public library, and finally to the University’s library.

And I learned what was happening. I learned all about the mind, about neurostudies, about biology and synapses, about the nervous system, about the third eye that was hidden deep within the core. I learned about a lot of things, but I don’t know what to do, about epinephrine.

For more on Jutt and Epinephrine, check this post out.

Daniel Triumph.

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CN: Alexandre Plans

Alexandre Jutt was originally a minor character in Alice and Finch. She quickly became a favourite of mine, and I have a feeling it’s because she’s a more mild, contemplative, female version of myself. This is weird, as I don’t like basing characters off of real people, especially not myself. But this was all by accident, so what is to be done!

So who is Lex? Alexandre is a supporting character from Alice and Finch. She’s Finch’s older cousin, as their mothers are sisters. Even though both left when their children were young (one voluntary, the other due to various circumstances), Jutt and Finch maintained occasional contact. They never really grew apart though, and so until Alice and Chloe came around, Jutt was his only true friend.

Alexandre “Jutt” Dirge, or Lex, (or the name she hates, Alexa), is a young Riley-Solune. She has all the outward appearance of a Riley, but the height of a Solune. Her eyes are grey, but that isn’t natural, she stumbled across a Methos artifact that slightly modified her brain, and changed her eye colour.

Lex is the first character I’ve made that I’ve given a specific metal illness. Looking at other characters, Dezallldwinn is obviously insane. Joss has a sort of light-on-life, manic mind. Natasha has something like a chronic physical depression, I think. Gwenhime has control issues, as in, she hates it when anyone else controls any part of the world. Yes, Gwenhime wants to take over the world (but she’s getting over it). More on that later, this is about Jutt. Jut is manic-depressive, or bipolar.

Why? Well, I figured if she was a weird copy of myself, I might as well give her my illness too. I also figured that like me, her illness wouldn’t be a big part of her story. Let’s be real, how many narratives give the main character a mental illness and then use it as major plot point? Well, all that I know of. Not Alexandre. She’s been living with it for long enough that it’s just another one of those difficulties she deals with every day. Minor plot point.

I don’t know what to call her story yet, so for now it’s just going to be CN: Alexandre, Codename: Alexandre Dirge.

Alexandre is about Jutt’s capture after her disruption of a large gang system. As punishment, she is no longer allowed her freedom in the gangs, instead she’s become a slave. A rich music producer named Richard Lendeloczyk buys her for his Hannibal house, so that he has a mistress for when he has to stay in the Solune Kingdom. (His regular home is in the Djeb.)

Lex quickly learns that Richard has a temper and abuse issues, but that he’s also a lot weaker than she is. Rich is a businessperson, and Lex has been a gang leader for a few years. Needless to say, she, being physically stronger than him, is able to overpower him, skewing the power dynamic.

She also learns that he is married, and that the wife, Avvarice (who is just as awful as him) doesn’t know that he has a mistress in Hannibal. Of course, Avvarice eventually figures everything out and things get really messy, especially after Richard learns that Lex has fallen in love with one of the musicians under his label. THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, AM I RIGHT?

So, this story should read like a combination of the now cancelled and non-canon Broken Teeth, mixed with elements of Anna Karenina. (But without all the complexity and prose, because I am no master writer.) It will also probably be written and released in a seemingly random order. Not because I’m trying to be clever or artistic, but because I’ll probably have the urge to write some specific scene one day, and just do it. This happens to me a lot, and I’ve been meaning to try writing something out of order and then compiling it together at the end. Maybe this will be that piece.

Daniel Triumph.

Edit: this project has since been dropped.

Alexandre Courtesan(Outline)

All *checks analytics* one or two of you who enjoyed Broken Teeth, rejoice! Our dear Lex is back, and ready to go for a second round. As long as her insane mother doesn’t mess with anything.

This is an outline, prone to changes and revision!

Release Order

  • The Musician
  • Toil
  • The Adoration
  • The Return
  • Fallen, Gloriously
  • The Promise
  • The Admission
  • […]

Chronological Order

Before

  • The Promise
  • The Order
  • The Murder
  • The Vow
  • Temporary Freedom
  • The Report
  • Recapture

The Courtesan

  • The Days Before
  • The Decision
  • Changing Hands
  • The Wife

The Days After

  • Toil
  • The Musician
  • The Adoration
  • The Return
  • Fallen, Gloriously
  • The Admission
  • The Wife, Once More

Hail’s Tempest

  • Fallen Again, Wonderfully
  • The Escaped Musician
  • The Depression
  • The Burning
  • Mercy of God
  • The Wife, Yet Again

The Life of Alexandre Dirge

  • Dedication
  • The Favor
  • Contribution
  • The Genius