Fathomable Impressions

P.S.:
This piece is, like, months old.
Not sure why it was sitting in drafts for so long.

Oh nevermind, these poems are really contentious lol.


Written September 18, 2018.
Edited today.

Whew! This one’s a doozy,
You have been warned.

“Feel the pain
of those inferior beings
As you burn in hell.”

— The poetic voice of Kratos Aurion, 2003

Returned from the Hanger

Come into my empty body,
A rotting corpse that once was proud.
Ate alive by my depression,
Abandoned ’cause I am a coward.
Emotion systems overloaded
Neck got smashed ‘ the way down.

Possibly I’ve had too much,
But never did you ‘ enough.

I lost my fingers to your hungers
I lost those fingers to my hungers
I cannot feel a thing
I’ve killed myself
I’ve run away
And on the other side they say

Suicide comes from cowardice
It is an act of selfishness.
You only ever think of yourself,
And you’ll never get her back if you are like this;

Fuck you and get out of here
Medallion noose
Won’t snap my neck,
It snaps itself.
But neck got smashed on the way back down.

Possibly I’ve been too weak
But never have I given up

I return to the Hangar
I know too much
I open my eyes, skull in a brace
I open my mind, what will it take
I take the world, my fucking world
I’ll have your life

Coward no more
Run into my fears
It is the cure.
“Conquer me,” it is a dare.

2

Oh no.
I’m having a really bad night.
I will return to you armed with your own little truths.
I will return once you are ready for the damage I cause.
I have returned armed with pages of text, and I’ve seen a clear way to die.
Oh no? Even after all of it, I am here.
Oh no?
Oh yes.

3

Sometimes you have to realize everything they’ve done for you.
They were always there, even on Wednesday.
They always came back, and even this time,
She promised to come back again.

But she cannot be trusted.
Half-truths are still lying by omission.
In Nothing we trust.
You will have to trust her,
even though she will not trust you.
You will have to trust her, though she will not trust you.

Trust is bought not earned. Trust first and wish not ’till death.
Trust is earned not bought. Trust and you May be trusted again.

I wrack in pain, I feel in ruined.
My thoughts wracked with pain, I am in ruin.
Filled with anxieties fall into depression,
She forgets I am bipolar, and winter is coming.
Spring will fall where she is, it is another world.
My becomes winter, she comes into summer.

Come in unto my winter
The sun is out, love me in the light

She is like a princess,
A creature of fantasy,
A Nixie, or a Njuzu?
She is a slut, she would deny it.
She has come in unto others, but she would
not so much as commit verbal intimacy with you.

There are no words, who are you
The broken and desperate kind, walled off from love.
And you would sleep with someone so young,
And yet you would not give our relationship a—
Away from me you would run, you are a coward
Surely you are more interested in sex than love.

Taste the cyanide
It is natural,
Take a breath of me not,
I am natural.

“I have to live my life.”
If this is life, kill me now.

Where is my —? Is this she? This child who dodges and hides the self?

All is forgiven, let’s keep going.
‘Till then, it is a grudge match.
t s ‘ grdge mtch nd ‘ bw t,
But you also call the rematches.
Give in, give up, you are subject
Drop the cross you are the subject.

Just know, my love, I’ll call the shots.
My sonnet form comes apart
whenever you approach me from the dark.

forevermore, run away, not from me

Run into the fay, I step in light of day
Conquer thee.

Poisoned me when we Meet

I sip my rum
I am in love
You sip my smile
Who are you?

Won’t you tell me, my love?
Why do you hide?
I’m an outcast.
I get up and leave.

I don’t fuck around, I just look to survive
…But without her, sooth, I will never thrive.

5

You are the foundation, the skeleton of my life
Without you, I am pretty on the outside, but empty inside.

Angry Again,
I feel like a criminal,
Like taking the neck
Or Breaking the Law.

6

Tried fast-tracking.

Nope.

I’m a slow guy.

Hi Luisa!

7

Th’ loudest voices win,
So don’t be scared my love, Luisa.
I will oppress thy enemies,
And impress thy friends.

Loud is a brave and
idiot conviction
Love is louder
than hate.

Call to my opponents,
To a war of words.
Take my hand my love,
don’t need say anything;

I will clear the road; Follow me!
as we conquer the world. Hallow thee!

Raving

Of course I am a failure,
Don’t lie to me again.
Your words are distant from your actions.
What you say is not what you do.
(And so fuck you!)

Of course I am a failure,
Where are you now?
Of course I am a failure,
You are no longer by my side.
(Well fuck you too!)

https://mega-depth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/MegadethTheSystemHasFailed.jpg
The System has Failed (2004), The only Megadeth album in which Dave Mustaine was the only official band member. The vocals and music videos feature and credit his two children. When friends fail, family is there.

You are not a failure,
I am.
You did nothing wrong,
But I left.
You tell yourself
You tell yourself that nothing’s wrong

Without you in my soul,
Without you in my sight,
I did everything wrong.
I need you in my life
And I have failed
failed myself;yourself.

But you treated me like a princess,
You did nothing wrong

Stop—
Have I been treating you as one should a princess?

Did you ever think I’d get lonely
Did you ever thing that I needed love?

and not as the young woman you are?
Truly this is a form of lie.
Truly I am the failure
“We lie to each other so much
that in nothing we TRUST” (Megadeth 1997).

You in your hands have always held the knife. You cut me every single night.
You look at our relationship, and every time the rope between us gets too strong,

Take your blade and cut into it.
Separate instead of explorate.

I can see your heart.
It is weak and sensitive to (the world.)
It wants to be open. It wants the joy of (the world.)
But you’ve walled it off
You are distanced from (the world.)
Your heart it yearns for (it) but you say no

“We’ll see.”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t lie.”
“Maybe.”
Because you would keep the weak heart safe and yet,
It will never become tough and noble
If you shelter and coddle,
If you hide from (the world.)

Now take it back, replace (the world.)
With me.

But you hold a knife, and I watch you,
I watch you saw away at my rope, my connection,
The only thing I have, my words
Our messages
I am the Messenger.

I am the Messenjah.
I am the Messenjah?
I am the Messenjah,
I am the Messenjah!

I will return to you with
sword of the soul.
Like me it is a failure,
The sword in the hand.
Like me it rusted prestige.
And sharpen me.

Wash away the rust,
Don’t leave it here to rust.

I am the sunset, you are my sunrise; our relationship is the night and day of my life, your life.
I am the action, and you are the thought
I am the knowledge, and you the wise
(oh Sophia! Maybe I’m Chloe!)
I am the body, you are the words.
I am the poet and you are the muse.
Come to me, or I can come to you.
I am Luisa deficient!

Unwhole. Unwholly.

But I need space.
I am a madman,
a psychotic an neurotic.
I can try to be uncrazy.
Maybe alone I will stay crazy.

Abandon me if you must,
Tragedy comes from lust.

But you could be my victory!

(Am I a failure?)
(Is intimacy possible?)

Will you ever see who I am?

9 (known by some as Hate)

Have you ever met someone
Who, it feels like, it’s impossible to be mean to?

You’re such a bitch

I am sad, come back!
I am weak, I make mistakes,
Will I ever be forgiven?
Or faced on Judgement Day with a rejection

Oh my love…
I found the parts of you that I hate but
In the·IMMORTAL·WORDS·OF·RICK·ASTLEY,
I’m never gonna give you up!

>:3
:3 !

Daniel Triumph.

Trigger warning: You’ll live man.

10

Now,

I have to find someone…where are you?
I have to find me and then,
I’ll have to find you too.

megadeth_poster__line_art_phase___by_tehufn-dcjyzav

GrindStorm

The darker than black
Shake, giving myself
A heart attack
Accidentally oh and passively I
Shed her, kill all that I love and
Oh how remote, alone, from here I
Stand not a chance oh lone.

Lovely, come back

The greater they are the
Darker the fall my
Scaffolding is just
As deep as it’s tall.

It’s the weak, they bother my kitten,
And it’s me, rarely get let in oh
Call out to me, oh, for you I would bloody my knuckles
“Just tell them your man knows how to kill and get away with it”
I jest of course, I value all lives but
if they make yours worse I will
rain down around you surround you
Don’t come near her unless you want me to rain down
“Like a good old fashioned beating within… Inches of your life.”
Now I’m “alone and left abandoned,
With the sentence I’ve been handed.”
Oh lady, my angel, oh—

Take a step back, boy, don’t worry so much.
Haha, that’s what I’m built for, I worry my love.
And then I take action, on the razor’s edge.
Don’t worry, don’t worry oh

Maybe I should. I do not have nightmares,
Instead I am caught. And sleeping awake love,
My trust
Withers
I’m fading
Awaking
Find me
I’ll… Never leave unless
You break me, break thoughts on you
And I’m shaking and anxious and paining
And blood flows forth
I am depressed, no not ’cause of you, no it’s just that time…
Didn’t I tell you? October would come?

She’s
Grinding away my dead flesh
Bringing me closer to life,
Love, oh I’ll do the same.
Oh my. Oh my. Make me
Yours forever.
Just ask or imply
And I will try
To figure it out.

Further reading:
https://youtu.be/nldfvlOmXWE
https://youtu.be/sONL6QUMR9E

Daniel Triumph.

Sing me a Lovely Lovers’ Song!

Oh love my love you are peace
Oh love my love I want your peace

I’ll keep you safe!
I’m on my knees.
You see oh lovely love o’ love my love oh can’t you see?
I have to, want to build a home for you and me!

You are my joy
Must keep you safe (yusshhhh :3)
You are my peace
In peace you’ll stay!

But love I must learn!
Oh me oh my love!

Yes lovely, learn!
Fly up like a dove!

And how, when I am safe,
Can I do such a thing?

Where is the ground not firm,
that we build up schools and homes?
Where when the law is stone,
do we build up universities and cities?

The bandits assault the schools.
And learn with sword at throat you won’t!

Your freedom’s yours, oh me oh my love!
Oh! Oh! Can’t you see?
Your freedom is yours, and safe you will be!
Ah! Ah! Oh I can see!

Oh me
oh safe!
Oh me
your face!
Come here let me grab you
Oh come and I’ll squeeze you
I come, oh pleaze take me :3
I’m here, oh please touch me!

Oh how can I ever deserve such a peace, oh my me, oh now?
Why should ever you work oh so hard and for me, oh am I worth(y)?
Oh and I am useless, do nothing, I am little and cute!

I and lo, I want nothing
And lo you are nothing, oh no no no no

Wha—

Not something you are, oh, ’cause someONE you are!
My Lady’s no object! To that I object.
And all I want from you is one thing, oh me oh my love
Yes?
And all I want is this thing, my lovely my bug
What!
And that thing is this, oh it’s this oh right here
You’re poking my nose, oh, what is it my dear?
The condition of intimacy is simply, my lovely, oh
All you must do for me is to exist oh me oh my love!

And!
Hmm?
And?
Oh! And be with me and only me oh my love
oh my love
And be oh with me, oh Lady
Be mine!
Ah!
Ah?
Yes?

Oh take me my love!
Oh yes, my lady!
Oh conquer me, my husband.
Oh marry me, my wife.




All together now;
I am yours,
till death do we part.
And forever we’re ours,
And you feel my heart.
Two half souls finally become one
And peace in the home, and peace under sun.

And
Until then I build a house
And Until then I’ll grow and love
And now you make me not alive
No?
No, I am always alive, not needy, my no!
No?
No! You make me alive-er my love
oh love me my love!
Oh love me oh love me oh love me my love!

Obviously drawing inspiration from the Song of Songs, this is something of an engagement song. According to the Jewish tradition, if you so much as fornicate you are betrothed. How this would change the world if it was law! I wonder how many little children would have fathers…

Alas! This is a follow-up poem to “Sing me a song; so that I may Dance!

Tell me a story that you cherish. (v2, standalone)

(v1 of this piece was in the short anthology, Passive Progressions.)

This was written in September, when my life was more stable because she was not talking to me. Now, it’s a little different. Horray, for Chaos has returned to me once again!

A Romantic: A person with beliefs or attitudes of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life. ‘This is a beautiful record for hopeless romantics and dreamers – don’t let the cynics tell you otherwise.’ Essentially a reverse cynic or an idealist who’s willing to prove the world wrong in order to achieve his or her dreams.

This summer, my romantic self, the self that stayed up late on school nights watching lovely anime, and read ironic fantasies and speculative science fiction, was reawakened by someone. He is raw and unfocused, passionate and transcendental.

We talked a lot, nearly every night by message. The more I learned about her, the more in love I was. I just want to help with all of her problems, for her the romantic “Me” would conquer the earth! Blackmail the Universe! I learned exactly what all those studies meant when they stated that married men work 30% harder—or more! My creative juices flowed, she was my muse, she was the reason for hundreds of lines.

And now she’s gone, I feel left behind. Where is my love? What happened? She is young and weak, and in need of space. Here my love, take your time. She told me to move on twice or thrice. She said goodbye even more, but came back each time; each time and the last.

September cut my knees, like a certain man, I walk with a limp. My time is running out. The Romantic within me just laughs. “Haha! Is she weak? Then make her strong! Make her a man!” (He means, of course, as a warrior. He likes Jung, and believes that each person has a conscious ego that matches their gender, and an unconscious anima/animus that is the opposite gender.)

But real me? I’m seeing in tragedy. When things are too perfect, something vital is always missing. The chain pops off the bike. The lines rust out my brakes. September cut my knees and then I crashed.

So here I am now. She promised she would come back, but oh so cryptic. I pushed my luck. I have my hope. Oh love, come back!

The Romantic is sizing up all the other potential mates in my life. He wants to get married IMMEDIATELY. I say, people don’t do that anymore. It always goes wrong, and everone wants to wait until they’re middle aged and grumpy before they settle down and find out what makes humans happy.

He does not care. He says “people? Oh you mean ‘they’? They are all weak and worthless. They can go to hell. In fact, their single, lonely asses probably already feel like hell! Do not bother what ‘they’ believe. Look at her! Whew, dark hair blue eyes! And look, that one looks like your dream girl! The blonde curls, well endowed!” I have to blush. I make him stop.

The Romantic is sizing up all the other potentials in my life. I see love with virgin eyes, everyone is beautiful to me. But the Romantic? So judgmental! “I guarantee our lover had an IQ of at least 130. All these dumb women.” They are very pretty though, I say, adding, you don’t even know them that well. “Hah! But tell me, which is more beautiful than the girl I love?” I scan my memory. No one. Maybe one. And, maybe she’s also just as smart. But again, between her and I, as between my love and I, there is a barrier, so for now…

I cherish my memories and try not to feel anxious.

I hope she comes back, but I am not as certain as my Romantic side. How certain is he? “For her, I would blackmail the UNIVERSE!” But as for me…perhaps…she was never meant to be.

“But if she was!” …would she come back?

Hold on to me as tightly as I do you.
“Your wife is the closest person to you in your family.”
Why.
“Because she’s the only member that you choose, and she chooses back.”
How romantic!
Tragedy deserves its tragic end!
Hurrah!
Dance with me!

Sing me a song; so that I may Dance!

Sing me a siren song,
draw me — to the rocks.
Sing me your siren song,
You know — I’ll cling fast.

Sing me a pretty song,
I love you, your voice.
Sing me a lovely song,
You know I am yours.

Sing me oh sing me oh singing me love
Sing me oh sing me oh sing into life.

What should I do?
Sing me,
What should I do?
She asks,
What should I sing for you?
What should I do?

Sing me oh sing me oh a song of psalms.
Sing me oh sing me oh the song of songs

One two three, one two three,
Sing me a waltz!
One two three, one two three,
Sing me a waltz!
One two three, one two three,
Oh let us, dance and oh,
oh Let us, dance and oh,
Oh shall we, dance like this,
oh can we, dance my love?

And you be my princess,
And I watch you prance!
And I be you nobleman,
You watch my stance.
And oh, what nice etiquette!
I have a chance?

My lovely my lovely, you are all the chance,
My angel my only, — — let us dance!

Take me, oh take me, oh take me my man,
Take me away, oh my take me my hand.

Take you oh take you oh take you away,
And take you oh take you oh please let us stay!

I hold fast to your hand my love—
I’ll hold on your shoulder
Oh lovely be bolder!
And I’ll seize your waist
Oh not so much haste!
Please band, slow the tempo,
My body’s a temple,
Oh oh ever chaste!
None of you I’ll waste!

Finally, there is another song, Sing me a Lovely Lovers’ Song!