Yes, a forward to the blog. The following post works through some frustrations, so even though the first section might be a little negative, it doesn’t stay there. So, if you’re interested in the processing of some difficulties, read on.
Right now, my plans are in a bit of flux. I would like to move on to a new project, but I am not really sure what it might be, and if it would be successful, and so this is a blog post sort of poking around that idea, and how focusing my free time elsewhere might affect my blog.
I had a discussion a month or two ago with a friend about this. I was trying to build a modest online course where I could share the information I learned in university on literature, and even integrate some of the notes I saved from those classes. The thing was that the blog takes time to work on (and on top of that I’m working on The Solune Prince novel, so I asked if maybe I should consider lowering the blog output to work on this other project. To be fair to my friend, I shouldn’t have asked. I probably didn’t really ask, but rather, said it more like a statement, that I should probably work less on the website to work on the course more. Either way, my friend agreed, and it was a very poor decision on my part for a few reasons.
I just want to be clear that I’m not blaming anyone here, it’s just that that conversation made for something of a memorable key moment. And from that point things kind of went downhill in my writing productivity. Not just the blog, but The Solune Prince as well. I don’t think I’ve penned a new chapter or even a new sentence since. But this can also largely attributed to the stress-inducing repairs that had to be done where I live around that time as well. But I feel like on top of that repair incident, something changed within me.
At first, it was alright and I thought I could channel all my energy into the online course. I actually wrote a blog around this time going into just that. Outlining ideas and next steps for the course. But then the house repair thing happened, and it affected my sleep schedule which affected my mood and well…well then a friend moved into the room across the wall from me, so I stopped making videos late at night. The morning would be my best bet, but doing things before work is just…and so, No videos? No sleep? No course progress. And once the course went on hold (or perhaps fell apart—although perhaps maybe not) and TSP, my novel, had taken a backseat, that meant that all I had left was the blog…and I had decided to put that aside.
During this difficult time I really felt like I had nothing. I’m pretty sure I was going through a real depression at that point, and maybe still am. But let’s see if I can pull us out of the mud here. I didn’t start writing this update just to complain, but to process and see what I can do next.
Inspiration: A Leap Forward, but to Where?
So I had already scheduled a few posts for the second half of February, and as I cover more fully in my previous update, weekly posts kept coming up until March where two weeks were missed. There was a delay, as it were, between me putting the blog down and it actually stopping. I had a few weeks sort of just going through the motions, and now I’m trying to put things back together. So, let us continue. On the 26th of March, I was watching a youtube video about personality that really got me thinking, and started to inspire me. It was about how a certain type of person (I type I align with to some degree, hence why I was watching the video) has a certain interest in self development. I finished the video and took up my pen and journal and started writing.
I had a terrific flow of inspiration, about my interest in various models of personality development, from the scientific Big 5, to the not-so-scientific MBTI and Enneagram and even into other more strange and ancient models like the four temperaments (among others). I realized that, yes, that video was right, I do have an interest in self-development and integration of personality, and all the other things it mentioned. I’ve been looking into this stuff for years. And I thought, how can I use this drive? What can I do with it? The video also mentioned an interest in the development of others, so I thought along the lines of what I naturally do with others. This brought me to my childhood interest of making games for my siblings, and then making Dungeons and Dragons campaigns and mechanics and worlds for my friends (and whichever sibling wanted to play at that time).
So naturally I went to, could I make a (video?) game that integrates some sort of personal development? And not a learning game that teaches you math or spelling (anyone have those growing up? Reader Rabbit and such?), not something that overtly teaches you facts. Rather, a game that is actually a game. Like an RPG where you can run around and fight stuff. But the process of doing those things somehow makes you think more effectively, or develops some sort of healthy habit. A habit you have to do in order to play the game, that once you put down the game, you now know and can naturally apply to real life. Honestly, maybe I’m giving away some great idea here but well…first of all, anyone can have ideas. It’s how you implement them that makes the business.
Second of all, well, that was two weeks ago. Since then, I’ve still been struggling with life. Then, the pessimist/realist in me comes and says, that’s great and all, but if you want to make a video game, you have to develop your coding skills. (I do already know some coding, I took courses in high school and then a couple in university, but I would need more.) And then, once you make a game, good luck selling it. Maybe you’ll make a few extra dollars a month, but will that help? Will that be a job? And if you make it a table-top game instead? Won’t that be even harder to sell? And what about your online course? And your novel you’ve been working on for a few years? And I go UGH! What to do what to do.
And so, so far, I’ve gone to clinging to the one project that has survived since 2017. This website. And, because I post The Solune Prince chapters here every other week, that means I get to hold onto that too. Though through all my mental state difficulties, as I said, I haven’t written new chapters. Despite that, I still have a backlog of unreleased chapters, and I’ve been editing them more actively before posting, and enjoying that process. And I’ve been surviving these past few weeks doing that, and making updates like this for the other weeks. Through this, during the tough times, I’ve been holding onto a sense of productivity and progress.
The Next Step…Unknown. Look at the Clues.
So what will I do now? I don’t know right now. I have some ideas, and these ideas are the “clues” of this section’s title. Here’s a list of projects, how difficult they are, and some comments. It’s getting late, and the post is getting long, so I think I will leave more serious contemplations of what to do next for a later post.
- Weekly blog posts. Medium. I will keep this, as I said above, to hold on to a sense of achievement.
- The Solune Prince. Easy, then hard. Easy right now, since I have a few unreleased chapters I can just edit and copy over. However, the next few steps of the novel need planning, which will be hard. I’m holding onto this, even if it gets less focus.
- Online Course. Medium/Hard. I might give this project up. I’ve only made 1 lecture so far, and I actually lost student access to a lot of my university’s online resources I was using for research. They finally noticed I graduated I guess hah… If I do finish this, it will be to prove to myself that I can finish things.
- New (Video?) Game Project. Hard. To be honest, this project is really undeveloped right now, and I haven’t coded anything in about a year. When I did I think it was in C, not C++. I don’t even know if I’ll use C++ or C#. Well, now isn’t the time to get into that. But the point is, I need to develop the concept more, and until then, I’ll hold to the blog and do more programming research. And maybe business/market research or whatever.
- Read More. Medium/Easy. I didn’t talk about it, but I want to make this a new habit.
- Wake up earlier in the morning to do stuff then. Medium/Easy. This could be its own blog post. I’ve already made a little progress though 🙂 .
Right now, I need to develop the idea and see if it’s viable, or perhaps the source of the inspiration could be put into a different project. Until that gets off the ground, I will be maintaining the site, and maybe even getting back to writing TSP.
Thanks for reading,