This piece is, like, months old.
Not sure why it was sitting in drafts for so long.
Oh nevermind, these poems are really contentious lol.
Written September 18, 2018.
Whew! This one’s a doozy,
You have been warned.
“Feel the pain
of those inferior beings
As you burn in hell.”
— The poetic voice of Kratos Aurion, 2003
Returned from the Hanger
Come into my empty body,
A rotting corpse that once was proud.
Ate alive by my depression,
Abandoned ’cause I am a coward.
Emotion systems overloaded
Neck got smashed ‘ the way down.
Possibly I’ve had too much,
But never did you ‘ enough.
I lost my fingers to your hungers
I lost those fingers to my hungers
I cannot feel a thing
I’ve killed myself
I’ve run away
And on the other side they say
Suicide comes from cowardice
It is an act of selfishness.
You only ever think of yourself,
And you’ll never get her back if you are like this;
Fuck you and get out of here
Won’t snap my neck,
It snaps itself.
But neck got smashed on the way back down.
Possibly I’ve been too weak
But never have I given up
I return to the Hangar
I know too much
I open my eyes, skull in a brace
I open my mind, what will it take
I take the world, my fucking world
I’ll have your life
Coward no more
Run into my fears
It is the cure.
“Conquer me,” it is a dare.
I’m having a really bad night.
I will return to you armed with your own little truths.
I will return once you are ready for the damage I cause.
I have returned armed with pages of text, and I’ve seen a clear way to die.
Oh no? Even after all of it, I am here.
Sometimes you have to realize everything they’ve done for you.
They were always there, even on Wednesday.
They always came back, and even this time,
She promised to come back again.
But she cannot be trusted.
Half-truths are still lying by omission.
In Nothing we trust.
You will have to trust her,
even though she will not trust you.
You will have to trust her, though she will not trust you.
Trust is bought not earned. Trust first and wish not ’till death.
Trust is earned not bought. Trust and you May be trusted again.
I wrack in pain, I feel in ruined.
My thoughts wracked with pain, I am in ruin.
Filled with anxieties fall into depression,
She forgets I am bipolar, and winter is coming.
Spring will fall where she is, it is another world.
My becomes winter, she comes into summer.
Come in unto my winter
The sun is out, love me in the light
She is like a princess,
A creature of fantasy,
A Nixie, or a Njuzu?
She is a slut, she would deny it.
She has come in unto others, but she would
not so much as commit verbal intimacy with you.
There are no words, who are you
The broken and desperate kind, walled off from love.
And you would sleep with someone so young,
And yet you would not give our relationship a—
Away from me you would run, you are a coward
Surely you are more interested in sex than love.
Taste the cyanide
It is natural,
Take a breath of me not,
I am natural.
“I have to live my life.”
If this is life, kill me now.
Where is my —? Is this she? This child who dodges and hides the self?
All is forgiven, let’s keep going.
‘Till then, it is a grudge match.
t s ‘ grdge mtch nd ‘ bw t,
But you also call the rematches.
Give in, give up, you are subject
Drop the cross you are the subject.
Just know, my love, I’ll call the shots.
My sonnet form comes apart
whenever you approach me from the dark.
forevermore, run away, not from me
Run into the fay, I step in light of day
Poisoned me when we Meet
I sip my rum
I am in love
You sip my smile
Who are you?
Won’t you tell me, my love?
Why do you hide?
I’m an outcast.
I get up and leave.
I don’t fuck around, I just look to survive
…But without her, sooth, I will never thrive.
You are the foundation, the skeleton of my life
Without you, I am pretty on the outside, but empty inside.
I feel like a criminal,
Like taking the neck
Or Breaking the Law.
I’m a slow guy.
Th’ loudest voices win,
So don’t be scared my love, Luisa.
I will oppress thy enemies,
And impress thy friends.
Loud is a brave and
Love is louder
Call to my opponents,
To a war of words.
Take my hand my love,
don’t need say anything;
I will clear the road; Follow me!
as we conquer the world. Hallow thee!
Of course I am a failure,
Don’t lie to me again.
Your words are distant from your actions.
What you say is not what you do.
(And so fuck you!)
Of course I am a failure,
Where are you now?
Of course I am a failure,
You are no longer by my side.
(Well fuck you too!)
You are not a failure,
You did nothing wrong,
But I left.
You tell yourself
You tell yourself that nothing’s wrong
Without you in my soul,
Without you in my sight,
I did everything wrong.
I need you in my life
And I have failed
But you treated me like a princess,
You did nothing wrong
Have I been treating you as one should a princess?
Did you ever think I’d get lonely
Did you ever thing that I needed love?
and not as the young woman you are?
Truly this is a form of lie.
Truly I am the failure
“We lie to each other so much
that in nothing we TRUST” (Megadeth 1997).
You in your hands have always held the knife. You cut me every single night.
You look at our relationship, and every time the rope between us gets too strong,
Take your blade and cut into it.
Separate instead of explorate.
I can see your heart.
It is weak and sensitive to (the world.)
It wants to be open. It wants the joy of (the world.)
But you’ve walled it off
You are distanced from (the world.)
Your heart it yearns for (it) but you say no
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t lie.”
Because you would keep the weak heart safe and yet,
It will never become tough and noble
If you shelter and coddle,
If you hide from (the world.)
Now take it back, replace (the world.)
But you hold a knife, and I watch you,
I watch you saw away at my rope, my connection,
The only thing I have, my words
I am the Messenger.
I will return to you with
sword of the soul.
Like me it is a failure,
The sword in the hand.
Like me it rusted prestige.
And sharpen me.
Wash away the rust,
Don’t leave it here to rust.
I am the sunset, you are my sunrise; our relationship is the night and day of my life, your life.
I am the action, and you are the thought
I am the knowledge, and you the wise
(oh Sophia! Maybe I’m Chloe!)
I am the body, you are the words.
I am the poet and you are the muse.
Come to me, or I can come to you.
I am Luisa deficient!
But I need space.
I am a madman,
a psychotic an neurotic.
I can try to be uncrazy.
Maybe alone I will stay crazy.
Abandon me if you must,
Tragedy comes from lust.
But you could be my victory!
(Am I a failure?)
(Is intimacy possible?)
Will you ever see who I am?
9 (known by some as Hate)
Have you ever met someone
Who, it feels like, it’s impossible to be mean to?
You’re such a bitch
I am sad, come back!
I am weak, I make mistakes,
Will I ever be forgiven?
Or faced on Judgement Day with a rejection
Oh my love…
I found the parts of you that I hate but
I’m never gonna give you up!
Trigger warning: You’ll live man.
I have to find someone…where are you?
I have to find me and then,
I’ll have to find you too.