2nd draft of “Alexandre Jutt’s Journal“
Eighth month, 3rd day.
Epinephrine is the fight or flight hormone. Humans, when subjected to chronic loneliness, begin to release epinephrine and the hormone, left unchecked, will erode the body from the inside. It prevents the body from regeneration and inhibits the immune system. Is it your fault that you are lonely? Is it my fault that I am not lonely?
Is it true, even, that I am not lonely? Maybe I’m just deluding myself. Maybe, secretly, a secret even from myself. But I don’t think so. There’s a logic to it though, see, I don’t feel much different after all of this than before. Perhaps I’m too distant from my own situation. Perhaps. Even when I was with my uncle, I felt like this about half the time. Even when I left, I felt like this about half the time. And even now I feel the same, about half the time.
Exactly the same.
“And what do you feel?” He had asked. I didn’t want to answer him.
But I did answer him. And I’m glad that I did.
Trust is… Important I think. Baring your wounds, maybe reopening some scars… I hope they heal better this time.
[original transcript is damaged or illegible in this location.]
—because he skewed my research. I think that there’s more to it that just epinephrine too, but it hasn’t been studied, not even by the E-tchs. I have a letter from Bradley Jeremy, he is strange, he sent three words and nothing else—’Adrenaline, Cortisol, Norepinephrine.’ Hopefully I’ll get a chance to learn about this during my master’s—Talk to Lune—but right I don’t know what to do, about epinephrine.
Maybe I’ll be back tomorrow.
For now, these are my words.
Related: Epinephrine Correspondence