The Curse of Sleep

The curse of sleep is found without.
The mind moves—
Legs caught in water—
Consciousness stifled— —
like molasses.

Wakefulness perpetuates itself,
Sweet like honey.
Keeping your brain,
not quite alive

go to sleep deadened,
wake the same.
Do I feel tired?

Do I even feel the feeling of feeling tired?

No, that feeling isn’t happened.
Behind the molasses.
Like a fly,
sit in sludge
made sick.
But still—
awake

So, this one I’ve been holding onto and editing for a good month, but I figured now is the perfect time to release it. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, a 72 hour period, I had a solid 10.5 hours of sleep. I don’t know how I managed to complete all my assignments (I’ll be posting a couple of them here), and also go to (some) classes, but I did. Last night, despite waking up twice (why can’t I sleep?), I managed to sleep for 13 hours. So… fitting time to release this finally.

I still think there’s something wrong with it haha.

Daniel Triumph.

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A Testament for Habits

Humans are creatures of habit. Not a shocking proposition, for most of human history our lives have been nothing but the same thing over and over. As a ‘sort of’ uncle of mine used to say, we “eat, sleep, shit, and work;” a succinct formula for our lives.

But it’s even more important for those like myself. Low in conscientiousness, and with a mental illness deeply linked to habit. Bipolar disorder is strongly linked to the circadian rhythm. Mess with your sleep? You’re going to feel it worse than others. And we probably all, at some level, already know this. But what you may not have known is that it goes that deep into biology. Another thing liked to the circadian rhythm is eating, so if you want to get next level about it, eat at the same time, and sleep at the same time as much as possible.

Don’t beat yourself up about it though. Use who you are today as a ruler for success. Just setting “better than before” as a goal is an actual, meaningful improvement, because now you’re seriously oriented upwards instead of across. The “ideal” can forgive the mistakes you make along the way to reaching them.1

Habits are powerful tools twofold. First, once you set a habit in place, you essentially start doing it automatically. I did this with fiction writing a year back when I was in my “year off” of University. Since I returned, I post weekly instead of daily. Another, more relevant habit I’ve constructed is… breakfast! I thought, what’s the easiest, and highest in fat/protien (the best morning [and life] nutrients) food that makes a good breakfast? Coffee! No. Coffee and peanut butter! Yes!! Wonderful! Now I have breakfast nearly every day.

The second superpower of habits is that, once one is in place, it’s super easy to build on it. It’s like… well, it’s sort of like building a house. Once you have the framework in, it’s not too difficult to nail down some dry-wall. Maybe add some siding? Pain the inside? Hell, it’s so nice now you might as well buy some imaginary furniture and move in to the damn place. But, there’s no rush. Do it right, do it at your own pace.

Just make sure that you’re oriented upwards, instead of across, and that’s where you’ll end up even if it’s by process of absent-minded strolling.

Further Watching on the topic of Habits:

  • Jordan Peterson – Daily Structure Keeps You Sane – “So you do the math, so we’ll say five hours a week for the sake of argument just to keep it simple. It’s 20 hours a month. It’s 240 hours a year. That’s six 40-hour work weeks. … Mostly what you want is to have [in life is] a routine. It’s discipline. It’s predictable and bloody well stick to it. You’re going to be way healthier and happier and saner if you do that … the world is too complicated for you to keep it organized all by yourself … So we outsource the problem of sanity.”
  • Simon Sinek – Do You Love Your Wife? – “It’s about transitions. … If you go to the gym and you workout and you come back, and you look in the mirror, you will see nothing. And if you go to the gym the next day and you come back and you look in the mirror, you will see nothing, right? … Or if you fundamentally believe that this is the right course of action and you stick with it, like in a relationship. I bought her flowers and I wished her happy birthday and she doesn’t love me, clearly I’ll give up. You know? That’s not what happens. … You could screw it up, … you know it allows for that. But if you stick with it consistently, I’m not exactly sure what day, but I know you’ll start getting into shape. … It’s not about intensity it’s about consistency. … It’s the daily practice of all the monotonous, little, boring, things like brushing your teeth that matter the most.”

1 Yes, that is a Jesus reference. Idk what else to say about it.

Maybe I’ll do a post on goal setting later.

Daniel Triumph.

Grey Area

You stand on a cliff’s edge. It is dark and grey and hazy. You don’t understand your surroundings, and therefore cannot see them. (It is not the other way around.) You look down to the bottom of the precipice, and you that see someone else is there, waving.

“Come down! Being up there is unrealistic! Have some humility!”

You might have thought that being on the cliff made you a little better than everyone. Such a belief may no longer seem so humble. You consider the jump. But, for now you’re unsure. You decide to look around first; an attempt to confirm that where you are truly isn’t where you should be. Through the haze behind you, you see yet another person.

This person is silent. They have a face that is all at once sublime, parental and judging. Perhaps their silence makes you nervous. This person does not speak, but instead points upward. And then you realize where you are. You are at the bottom of another cliff.

Daniel Triumph.

This, I think, is sort of in the vein of The Book of Sand by Jorge Borges, although unlike Borges, I am not one of the greatest short story writers of the twentieth century.

Also not sure why it turned out in second person. That wasn’t initially intended, but I decided to roll with it.

Foreign Youth

A sharp crack rang through Baracus a couple of hours before dawn. Alice sat up and looked around. She saw how dark it was and frowned.

“Not another time!”

Most people in Baracus were used to the occasional loud noise and, more often than not, the noise was caused by Drake, a resident Worker and also one of the King’s agents.

The first time Alice had heard the sharp crash of metal, she had jumped about in confusion and wonder. It had been during the day, and Jithin had explained it all to her in order to calm her down. He told her that Workers were field leaders for new Solune inventions, and that they used a lot of metal and springs. Occasionally, he had said, something would go wrong, and the combination of heavy springs and iron would result in noises like what she had heard. And, he’d added, usually it was Drake; especially if it happened after dark, since Drake liked to work into the night. Continue reading “Foreign Youth”